It has been a while since my last check-in post. For a while now I have been avoiding writing about my personal journey directly – preferring to summarise my thoughts about books or articles that I have read. If I am honest, for many months I found it difficult to write. I was struggling with overwhelming feelings, lacking the spark of hope I so desperately wanted to share with you all. This, I felt, was reason not to write.
However, in hindsight, maybe it would have been good to continue to document my feelings during that difficult period. Managing and recovering from a chronic illness isn’t easy. Everyday can seem like a struggle and there were many times that I would hear the consuming mantra of ‘I can’t do this’ fill my mind. It was a battle to silence these thoughts.
Getting better from a chronic illness is a hard and long journey. The future is filled with confusing unknowns and some days it feels like a dark cloud of potential relapse looms over you. You are fearful that the slightest rash or joint pain is the onset of another episode.
Over the past year a number of people how confided in me about their own struggles, and for many of them they continue to struggle. I want to reach out to you and tell you that continuing to fight is worth it. There will be days where the pain of isolation can cripple and shatter you. But continue to press on. There will be many days that your medications drag you down and steal your happiness. But continue to press on. I desperately hope that brighter days are ahead of you.
Next month I hope to commence regular work again. I am very excited about the opportunity and have been working hard at exercising regularly, eating more nutritious meals and getting into a better sleeping pattern to prepare myself for this coming year. I desperately want to get through this year.